Abby In da T-dot YO!

Feb. 05th 2011 (been a WHILE since my last post)

                                           My Late Night Walk With God

  When I came back from Benin last year I had come back a “new woman” I would say.  God really worked in my life and grabbed a hold of  me in a way that I have never experienced him before.  After that I came back knowing I was going to Toronto on this big new adventure and I just felt like “this is it”.  I was ready to do EVERYTHING for God.  I wanted to work with every group and serve as hard as I could to bring Glory to God’s name.  Not a bad I thought.  But that’s one thing I’m learning about myself. I get so excited sometimes, I plan out one thing which leads to another things and before I know it I’ve mapped out this drawn out plan leaving God out of it completely!

This brings me to where I am now.  Being humbled.  Oh how the sting of being humbled and rebuked feels so bitter sweet doesn’t it?  In Luke 10: 38-42 we read:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.  She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!”  ”Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.“ 

I have to admit, the last few months I have been wondering why I haven’t “moved” anywhere.  I was wondering why I felt like I needed to do sooo much and yet God wasn’t giving me the opportunities to do things.  He wasn’t following my plan! I read this passage and I see two women.  Two women who are both doing good things per say, but one women who was doing good in her own eyes and missing out on what was best for her.  I’ve been a Martha.

I kinda hate blogging cause I never know how far is too far with sharing what’s on one’s mind.  But I guess if it’s relevant to your point, you should share it.  I had a wonderful meeting with a friend the other day where we shared how things were going in our lives and then we prayed for each other.  I remember telling her that for the past week I would wake up crying.  Just sad and feeling somewhat “wanting”.  I didn’t know of what I just knew that I was feeling “wanting”.  Then I would get of my knees and pray, read the Word for a while and feel better.  I asked her to pray for me so that I wouldn’t wake up crying with these feelings anymore and she looked at me and said “I will pray, but did you ever consider that that ‘wanting’ feeling was God calling you to be with Him?” And then and there it kind of just made sense.  My heart longs to be in God’s presence more and more these days not just cause I want to be but because He wants me to be with Him.  My desire to love on Him through my actions are good but His plans for me are different.  He wants me to be a Mary.

Now I know the context of the Martha/Mary story has more to do with the fact that Jesus knew His time here on earth was coming to an end, but I still think it’s relevant :p.  Mary being with Jesus was what was the better choice at that time.  I am back in school now, with not very many classes and a heck of a lot of free time.  For those who know me, I like to stay busy,busy,busy.  It makes me feel like I’m actually doing something in my life.  That is probably why my idleness has been frustrating to me.  The thing is, God is showing me that He has given this time to me intentionally.  I won’t have another semester that is this free and soon life as a midwifery student will be filled with sleepless nights and on-call living.  What is more important for me now, is to walk with God. I am always walking with God, but right now I am being called to be close and intimate with Him.  

This brings me to tonight.  Tonight was the BEST night I have had in Toronto since I’ve moved here.  Why?  It really shouldn’t have been.  I went out in the snow, and for those who know me, I don’t like the cold.  But something was different tonight.  Everything around me was Still.  My thoughts were still (also uncommon for me), my voice was still, the world was still and even the snow seemed to be falling in slow motion.  Something just tugging at me to stop walking and just be STILL. So I walked through shin high snow and sat randomly on a swing and just sat there.  I wish I had the words to explain my time with God tonight.  But I guess the best I could do is say I was surrounded by this overwhelming sense of warmth and happiness that just brought me to tears.  I felt God there with me in the lamplight, on that swing at night and I was just soooo HAPPY! Walking with God RULES! 

Not sure where I was going with this blog or how to end it.  Just wanted to share this moment.  It was our moment, God and mine, but…….something inside thought I should share this for those who are having a tugging at their hearts.  Maybe it’s time for you to just STOP what you are doing, sit down, shut up and REST in Him.  Forget about the world around you, because this world won’t last forever, and let the God who formed you and gave you the breath of life and the opportunity to do all that you are doing, surround you with what matters…surround you with HIMSELF!  Being a Martha isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes God wants us Martha’s to step back and be Mary’s…resting at His feet and giving Him our full attention.  

                     “Be Still and Know that I am God…” (Psalm 46: 10)

Vancouver…home sweet home.  Oh how I miss thee…